Struggles

Posted by: Miss Lissy on: May 5, 2010

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I’m taking a small break from my paper to write this blog post in hopes that it will make me feel better or at least give me a space to get my feelings out.

My friend Chris once renamed me the girl who struggles and I think it’s pretty accurate. I know I’m struggling a lot right now. I feel like I am failing in every role I play – like I’m not doing enough, like I’m not good enough. Today I didn’t turn in an assignment in my class. Sometimes I’ve had to scrape by just before class to get my assignments done, but I have always gotten them done. Today I didn’t. It was the only time this semester other than right after Jason died and I went to his funeral.

And I just feel like such a failure today. It’s hard because there’s a part of me that knows I’m not a failure but right now the part of me that feels like a failure is so much stronger. I don’t know what to do – I don’t know how this can be helped. I have felt like crying at so many points this day and even when I do feel better, it seems only temporary and then I’m feeling down again.

I’m not usually been this pessimistic but things have just seemed sort of downhill for me ever since spring break. I feel like I’m always trying to get things done on time and that I don’t have time for what I need to do. But I’m trying, I really am. But trying doesn’t count in college and close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.

I hope I make it through the end of the semester,

Miss Lissy