College in a Suitcase

The Mortality of Life

Posted on: October 19, 2009

The internet’s down as I write this post. But it’s something that needs to be written. If those two sentences don’t tell you enough, I’m taking a break from the series to write this post.

This isn’t an easy post to write – and sometimes I think that I should wait to write it until I’m a little more removed from the situation. The events which I’m writing about happened yesterday. And yes, it does make me cry to write this. This was the scariest thing I have ever experienced.

Yesterday started out as a good day. I got to see friends who I hadn’t seen in a long time. I got to see my fiancée who I hadn’t seen in a while. I got to be in his arms and get a hug – that was great. Right before I left, the five of us took a picture in front of the pet shop. In that picture I’m smiling and I’m happy. And I was. I really was. Nothing could go wrong. I was on top of the world.

We said our good-byes. We left, headed in very different directions. I had been driving for about an hour, on my way back to school. I started getting sleepy, but this is nothing that hadn’t happened before and I was like, I’ll be fine.

Well, I will tell you the truth. I was not fine. People can talk all they want about drinking and driving and texting and driving and yes those things are dangerous, but what I did yesterday, was also very dangerous.

I fell asleep behind the wheel. Going 65 on the freeway. I’m pretty sure my cruise control was on, but I don’t remember exactly – we had been slowing down before, Packer traffic, so I don’t remember if I turned it back on or not. I was driving in the right hand lane. I crossed one whole lane of traffic, while asleep, without hitting anyone. I woke up as I was going over the rumble strip. I tried to correct and get back on the highway, but I was already too far in the ditch and the ditch was too deep, my car swerved into the ditch and rolled with me in it. I feel so irresponsible because the accident was my fault.

If I had pictures other than the ones on my phone, I would post them. Actually, I might have been in the paper my mom said. If the internet was working, I would look it up. I tell you one thing. When I crashed, I got up and I got out of that car. Looking at my car, you would not know that I was all right. I have a small cut on my finger and I’m badly bruised and very sore, but I’m alive. I was wearing my seatbelt and I tell you the truth, God must have been with me.

The electrical part of the car still worked enough for me to get out of the car. The music was still eerily playing – David Ball was in the CD player at the time. The electric windows still worked thankfully and the people who stopped were able to help me get out. I literally walked away from the crash.

And I think of how lucky I am. And how God was with me. God must have been watching over me because I think back to like Zach and Ryan, who lost their lives last summer in a car accident and Ashley, who also lost her life in a car accident less than a week after we all graduated from high school. I wonder why I lived and walked away without a scratch when they did not. God was with me, there in that car, and he must have greater plans for me.

To all the people who stopped to help, I want to say thank you. Thank you for stopping to help and calling 911. My cell phone was telling me that it could not complete the call when I was dialing 911 from inside my car and I was so scared. You were there right away, calling 911 and helping me out.

I was about an hour from my home, but I wasn’t even injured enough to warrant a trip to the emergency room. When I said I walked away from this, I meant it – literally. I asked, “Well, what do you do with me, since I’m not from around here and my parents won’t be here for like an hour.” They took me to Culver’s. I couldn’t stop crying. I had gotten a hold of Nick earlier, shortly after I crashed and when they took me to Culver’s, I called him. I stayed on the phone with him the whole time I was there. He told me to just keep talking and he saved me from completely losing it. He kept me calm. I am so thankful that the Lord has given him to me.

We went to where the car had been towed to get my stuff out of it. The car is a wreck. The front passenger side window completely shattered. The windshield on the driver’s side has huge cracks. The whole driver’s side is lower than the rest of the car. The trunk popped open in the process and all my stuff flew out. I’m typing this on my computer, which despite being thrown from the car is okay. Completely okay.

And I think of all the little lucky things, like how my friends were in my car earlier so that means I moved my stuff to the trunk and it wasn’t flying around in the car as I crashed. I never hit my head, on anything. I was wearing my seat belt. God was with me, protecting me.

I’ve learned a bunch of things from this. All things I already knew, but all things that needed to be emphasized.

-I learned that God is great and He is with me. I already knew that, but yesterday I really saw His hand. If you want to ask me if I prayed when I realized I was crashing, but I had just woken up, my only thought was what do I do. I’ll be honest, I didn’t pray and I wish I had, but I was still trying to figure out how I ended up over here. It all happened so fast and so slow all at once. God was still with me though.

-I learned to wear my seat belt. There’s only been a few times where I haven’t worn my seat belt but I will never do that again. If I hadn’t been belted in, my injuries would be much much worse and it’s likely that I would be dead.

-I learned that if you are tired, you should stop and sleep. Don’t think you can make it. Because yeah, you will make it sometimes, but there are also times you won’t. And let me tell you, waking up to that was the scariest thing ever. I couldn’t sleep last night because of it. I closed my eyes and I just saw it happening over and over again. It was about 2 AM I think before I fell asleep and I tried to sleep at 11:30 and the only way I could was to fall asleep on my friend’s futon watching Aladdin.

-I learned that people are still good. I was shown so much kindness yesterday. It’s unbelievable how many people stopped. Sometimes I get down on society because we feel so cold, but we are usually genuinely good to each other when it matters. Accidents and tragedies bring communities together.

-I learned that my parents love me. I didn’t hear it a lot growing up, but their actions showed me yesterday that they do. I love them – I hope they know that and I hope I never take them for granted again.

-I learned that life is too short. I don’t know how to expand on this, but I don’t want to put my dreams on hold. Some of them have to be, like my wedding, because I can’t be married to Nick and have him be so far away. If something like this happened again, I would want him to be there as my husband. I mean, I still wanted him to be there, but it was manageable. I still want him to be here in fact. But don’t put off things for tomorrow that you could do today. Especially in telling people you love them.

So that’s all I have to say. That’s what happened, that’s what I learned. I hope you all are well. I hope you know how much it has helped me to write down all of this.

Miss Lissy

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